On Taking Responsibility While Remaining Whimsical

Making mistakes online, overpromising, and pivoting instead of collapsing

Dear Reader,

While Mary Oliver is primarily known for her poetry, she has also written a number of essays with urgently gorgeous prose. Today, we visit one of those from her collection Upstream, Collected Essays.

“You must never stop being whimsical.

And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life.

I don’t mean it’s easy or assured; there are the stubborn stumps of shame, grief that remains unsolvable after all the years, a bag of stones that goes with one wherever one goes and however the hour may call for dancing and for light feet. But there is, also, the summoning world, the admirable energies of the world, better than anger, better than bitterness and, because more interesting, more alleviating. And there is the thing that one does, the needle one plies, the work, and within that work a chance to take thoughts that are hot and formless and to place them solely and with meticulous effort into some shapely heat-retaining form, even as the gods, or nature, or the soundless wheels of time have made forms all across the soft, curved universe – that is to say, having chosen to claim my life, I have made for myself, out of work and love, a handsome life.”

In trying to bring this theme to life this month, I’ve learned quite a bit on how writing sustainably works or doesn’t work for me on Substack compared to TikTok or when I’ve published full journals on my Etsy prior. It would be easy to not look this in the face and avoid that I’ve not posted here daily, as prior promised. It would also be easy to compulsively overcorrect this, somewhat punishingly, and internalize it. Instead, I think taking responsibility while remaining gentle looks like acknowledging, noticing what isn’t working, and changing the shape of what I’m trying to do.

In reflecting on this, change, I will be changing the format for the rest of May back to 2-3 posts a week. These posts will still include recommendations and related prompts for reflection or tiny challenges, and may have a couple of each present, or a few different readings. What I’ve found in this form of writing on Substack is that I simply cannot send a short little blurb of the day in the way I can on TikTok. Perhaps it’s from being a liberal arts major in college, but the idea of sending a 200 word piece feels wrong. Is this sensical? No. However, it’s what it feels like for me, and has made showing up as promised difficult.

let the ocean’s work teach you how to leave your work each day and return the next

Responsibility as Practice instead of Product

“There is the thing one does, the needle one plies, the work.” In this small excerpt from a longer essay, Oliver speaks to something that we all feel, ideally, in the work we do every day. The work here can be as a nurse tending to a patient’s lines in the hospital, or a painter placing the brush just right day after day on a massive canvas. The practice of noticing and doing, over and over, is what I feel in my work as a psychiatrist and in my work as a writer here online. Responsibility, in Mary Oliver’s frame, is also a dynamic, dyadic process: it is daily, returning, correcting course, seeing one’s failures and victories over and over, and responding as needed.

This responsibility is sustainable. It is devotion. And in sharing my own failures and successes on here with you all—like overpromising, avoiding, procrastinating, or feeling shame around not predicting what would work well in real life instead of my idealized life—I hope there is also a glimpse of this part of my own creative practice. I’m writing this to remind myself of the tools of encouragement and compassion, and maybe this will remind you that you have both tools on your path as well.

Today's Journal Prompt:

What does the phrase “taking responsibility for your life” bring up in you? How does it emotionally resonate? Is there an example of someone you’ve known in life who you find does devotion and responsibility well, without it being something that cages them?

Today’s Tiny Challenge:

What is one domain of life where you could handle and benefit from challenging yourself 5% more? Where’s one area where you have been pushing yourself beyond sustainability? Brainstorm ways to change these areas in their respective 5%’s for the rest of the week.

Take care, and feel free to take your time,

Margaret of Bad Art Every Day